In A Funk

Nothing has happened according to my plan. From the initial thought of coming to Manila to my current situation in Cebu City, none of it has been according to plan.

I’m not sure if it’s an exercise in flexibility, trust and reliance, or patience. I’m a bit confused and baffled. I’ve put in some effort and most days I’ve done about all I’ve been able to complete, yet progress has been slow. I’m uncertain if I’m getting uncomfortable, impatient, frustrated, or simply bored.

Much as when I was in the “dark place” everything for the last couple of days/weeks has required enormous amounts of energy and effort. Perhaps that’s the lesson but I’m uncertain.

Today, Wednesday, October 23, 2019, I am grateful that:

I’m cognizant of my current state. Awareness is helpful but I haven’t been able to determine a solution for my current problem/situation.

All my needs are met today. It’s interesting how when I’m in a state, like I am currently, I return to the most remedial of items. It’s as if I’m grasping for straws. True or not about grasping, this list is something I’d like to have more depth and substance but at certain times my best efforts are shallow and superficial, other than to know it is my best for that particular day.