Loving The Unlovable

Wasted efforts are tragic. Part of me, having survived multiple depressive and manic episodes, knows the signs of someone in active depression. Having experienced the same symptoms it’s easily spotted when someone is in that dark place. For the last couple of days that’s been the case with Sarah. From escape into her cell phone and food for comfort, her symptoms have been classic. It’s so familiar with my behavior while in the dark place. So I made it a point to love and affirm and do my absolute best to comfort and uplift her. My thought was a simple one: Show her there’s a way out - light at the end of the tunnel.

Last night, while attempting more of the things that successfully help me squelch my depressive symptoms, she basically threw a temper tantrum. She rebelled. She did everything within her power to stay in the dark place. My feelings got hurt. Revisited those emotions has been terribly uncomfortable and for a near stranger I felt extremely vulnerable. So, I withdrew from my attempts and learned/remembered - I can’t love the unlovable.

Today, Friday, November 1, 2019, I am grateful that:

I’ve been willing to share my experiences with others. Not just Sarah, but those still stuck in darkness. Struggling with their faith or professions or any other aspect which I find no longer an issue. Someone(at least one person) helped me so it’s only appropriate I help others.

When it felt as if my efforts and experience were not wanted or needed, I withdrew. “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.” I’ve been there and the water’s great but if they are not thirsty, not my problem.

Ron made it back safely from Thailand. I got a text from him yesterday and that’s relieving. It’s interesting how when making friends abroad, I’ve become more cognizant of the perils of travelling alone. For me, I have rarely felt unsafe. From awareness of my surroundings to the speed at which I walk and the manner which I carry myself coupled with my physical size and appearance my safety is rarely a concern. Yet for those of smaller stature and older in age or female, I’ve become aware of some of the dangers of travelling alone and I’m happy my buddy returned hope uninjured with another adventure worthy of reflection.

Be Impactful!