Sometimes It’s Tough
Yesterday morning I got a call from Jimmy. He and I have known each other since I was a teenager. He’s an incredible man and I feel fortunate to have someone of his caliber in my circle of friends. Jimmy called and asked if I heard the news yet? I told him I hadn’t and he was upset because he had to be the bearer of bad news.
He gently told me that my spiritual advisor of more than 15 years drowned on vacation in Mexico. I thanked Jimmy for letting me know and after a short conversation with him, at his suggestion I called Howard. Howard confirmed what Jimmy said and I sat quietly, alone with my thoughts.
No morbid reflections but rather, times Steve and I shared together. From meetings and dinner, to conventions and short road trips, to his annual Christmas party. As I write this, I’m saddened to know those days are at an end. No longer will we share a cup of coffee and meaningful dialogue. Our inside jokes are mine alone now, since no one else will remember Steve saying, “Big man down. Big man down!!!” I smile as I think of the occasion, but it means nothing to others.
Knowing that Ronnie’s birthday was on the 27th and my Mom’s would follow today, the 29th, I’d thought this week to be a bit emotional. But now to have one of my closest friends perish by drowning, nestled between two family members, it makes this week all the more challenging.
Some parts of our journey are tough. It’s not easy or comfortable and the simplest tasks require immense effort. That’s me today. I’ve paused in my writing and it’s still a challenge. It’s taken well over an hour to get to this point and still I have more to say and write, yet I know I’m stopping. Not from anything other than it’s exhausting today.
Today, Thursday, September 29, 2022, I am grateful that:
Steve and I had so many years as friends. It’ll be different moving forward. Not better, not worse, different. We have those whom we’ve lost. At 51, I’ve had my fair share of losses and certain you have as well, but the good thing is we are still here. We can move forward with our journey, grateful for those who partook in segments of them.
I am grateful that: I smile as I think of my Mom. Today was her birthday. I think of her everyday and it’s rare to not smile. I have little to no regrets about our time together. Especially since there’s absolutely nothing I can do to change those things now.
I am grateful that: I got a chance to catch up with Jimmy and Howard. I also had a chance to talk to Pat and Mike. I’ve known all these men for at least a decade, most for the majority of my life. It’s great to have strong examples of what a men is and does. Things are different in America today and I’m grateful these men personify the examples of masculinity I grew up seeing. Most of what I see, from a distance today, is something that’s foreign, emasculated, and neutered.
Can you make it through the day?
It’s only a few more hours until midnight. Don’t give up!
You are capable of anything you desire. Do not yield!
Be Great. Be Grateful!!!