Being Tired

It’s been over four months since my accident and well over five years since arriving in the Philippines. Tangibly speaking, I am no further along today than I was when I left America in 2018. With the exception of one published book, which was written and edited and only needed a few tweaks, I have very few tangible proof to show my progress. I am tired.

I’m tired of little to no tangible results. I’m tired of little to no money in my bank accounts. I’m tired of living as if tomorrow will come when February the first proved that may not be the case. I’m tired of this mediocre existence. It is no longer acceptable. It probably, in all honesty, never was acceptable. I tolerated it with the thought that I had time. Now, that’s no longer the case. I don’t think I have much time left.

I’m not trying to sound all morbid and depressed or anything along those lines. The thing I’m conveying is I’ve hit the wall. I’m, as I’ve heard before, sick and tired or being sick and tired. I’m no longer willing to accept these down times. I’m no longer willing to accept slowed or decreased momentum. I am no longer willing to not put in the maximum effort today. Today and everyday I draw breath, I will move forward with urgency and certainty.

The past is history. My prior experiences and choices place me in my present situation. Good, bad, or indifferent, I am where I am from my decisions. Some I would change, some I would not. The point of getting older and wiser is applying lessons from your past when making present decisions. I have to do that today.

A quick assessment tells me a few things could, and need to, change. I work with a relaxed and casual approach versus when I was in Sales. At a car dealership, all your numbers are erased at the beginning of each month. What happened in May doesn’t matter on day one of June.

I have to erase my past accomplishments and start fresh each day. The last week of the month, particularly the last few days, are all intense in nature. Most sales people work open to close and all basically order food for delivery or bring their own food to work. For those last few days, we live at the dealership from open to close. We all want to hit our numbers, to maximize our bonuses, and max out our pay plan. The best way to accomplish this is by putting in the longest hours possible and working with an intensity we don’t exhibit the rest of the month. Those, and I include myself in this, are traits of amateurs. Professionals behave differently.

Professionals come early and stay late. Professionals obsess over serving the needs of their clients. Professionals work with what an amateur would consider intensity, yet pros just call it work. As I’m writing this it’s occurred that I’ve been an amateur for over five years now. I’d become complacent and thought and behaved as if my past accomplishments would carry me through to some sort of imaginary finish line. I was wrong.

I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of masquerading as an amateur when I’m a professional. Behind closed doors, in conversations with close friends, I behave as a professional. But work ethic wise over the last few years, I’ve been a neophyte. A spoiled, ch

This is the first part of the entry.