I’m Hungry

Plain and simple, I don’t want to wait for my meal to finish cooking. I’m hungry now. I want to eat. I want my meal now and that’s that.

In roughly six, maybe seven years this is the first time I’ve started a list with “I”. In fact, most days I make a conscious effort to not start with me. In this instance though, I am a bit frustrated. I’m wanting to move forward. I am sitting in a bunch of fear and confusion. I don’t have all the ingredients for my meal. I only have the recipe. Yet, I’m hungry and want to eat.

As I’ve gotten older part of me likes to think I’ve become more patient. When I started on this yesterday morning and didn’t finish out of frustration and as I type this now, I have to admit my lack of patience. Coupled with being inpatient, there’s some fear. Mostly manifesting from a low sense of worth, not self worth, but rather worth in my inability to properly place a monetary value on my experiences and abilities.

I’m still hungry, right? Yet, I haven’t even gathered the ingredients for my meal. I know what’s on the menu. I know what I’m cooking. I know precisely how to prepare and cook every individual ingredient, how to combine them, and about how long it’ll take to finish cooking. Yet, I’m sitting here writing, working on sorting out in my mind how I’m worthy enough to ask for help with my ingredients. That’s a bit of a conundrum.

I’m currently in a spot that is indeed puzzling. The questions are:

How long will I go without ordering the ingredients?

Will I resist asking for help with the ingredients?

What’s really stopping me from asking for help with my ingredients?

If this truly is the meal I’m supposed to prepare, what’s stopping me from cooking?

How do I gather these ingredients and do what’s needed?

That’s just the ones off the top of my head, but I’m sure there’s more. It’s not like the situation with opportunities and I ask, “How will this help me achieve my purpose?” it’s a little different. This quandary has me perplexed. I must overcome this and quickly. I am literally going to starve, literally and metaphorically. The cupboards are bare, the resources are slim, and chances are great that if I’m not willing to ask for more than I think is needed, I may yield. That’s unacceptable!!!

Today, Friday, September 13, 2024, I am grateful that: